Class 9

I feel very relieved. Today, I taught myself some ways to overcome my three biggest Saboteurs. Well, first I should get into how I even came about my saboteurs.

In class, we took a 50 question quiz that gave us a list of our saboteurs based on how we answered each question. I was given stickler, restless, and pleaser. A stickler is someone who tries to be perfect, and if not you fail. I find this to be ashamedly true. I am always trying to be perfect and make sure everything in my life is totally controlled. Someone who is restless feels there is always something better to do, they don't waste time on just one thing. I also resonate with this as I am always on the move and can never focus on the present tasks I am doing. Lastly, a pleaser is someone who feels like they have to make everyone happy and if they don't they feel they are not valuable. I mostly resonate with this as I do tend to overly help others and put their needs in front of my own.

After learning which saboteurs were my top three I read on the website some more details that were super beneficial and also did some outside research to fully understand these triggers better. Exploring external resources has deepened my understanding of my top three saboteurs: Stickler, Restless, and Pleaser. The Stickler, characterized by perfectionism and a need for order, often leads to rigidity and reduced flexibility in dealing with change and others' differing styles. This can result in ongoing frustration and anxiety, both for myself and those around me. (https://support.positiveintelligence.com/article/116-stickler?)

The Restless saboteur manifests as a constant search for excitement and busyness, causing difficulty in staying present and fully engaged with current tasks or relationships. This restlessness serves as an escape from anxiety and pain but ultimately prevents lasting focus on what truly matters. (https://positivepsychology.com/positive-intelligence/?)

The Pleaser seeks acceptance and affection by helping others, often at the expense of personal needs. While this behavior may seem altruistic, it can lead to feelings of resentment and burnout, as personal needs are neglected and others may become dependent rather than self-sufficient. (https://uprisehealth.com/resources/saboteurs-and-healthy-relationships/?). Recognizing these patterns has highlighted the importance of balancing my strengths with self-awareness to foster healthier relationships and personal well-being.

I then found some examples of behaviors related to my main saboteurs:

• Stickler: Spending excessive time perfecting work, procrastinating due to fear of imperfection, getting frustrated when others don’t meet your high standards.

• Restless: Jumping from task to task without finishing, constantly looking for new projects instead of focusing, feeling dissatisfied with the present moment.

• Pleaser: Saying yes to things you don’t want to do, avoiding conflict even when it’s necessary, putting others’ needs before your own to gain approval.

I didn’t just pull these examples out of thin air; they came from observing my own patterns and tendencies. My Stickler tendencies became obvious when I noticed how much time I spend perfecting even minor details, often leading to procrastination because I fear something won’t be good enough. The frustration I feel when others don’t meet my high expectations also confirmed this trait. My Restless saboteur was easier to recognize because I’m always looking for the next exciting thing—whether it’s a project, a hobby, or even a social event—yet I often struggle to finish what I start. This leaves me feeling unsatisfied, as if I’m always chasing something better instead of appreciating the moment. The Pleaser in me was the hardest to admit, but I’ve realized how often I say yes just to avoid disappointing others, even when I don’t have the time or energy. Avoiding conflict and putting others’ needs before my own has sometimes left me feeling drained and unappreciated. By reflecting on these behaviors, I was able to clearly define how my saboteurs operate and gain a better understanding of the ways they hold me back.

From my wise or sage perspective, I would respond in a different way than my instinct, if I allowed myself the time to properly respond.

• Stickler: “Perfection is an illusion. Progress and learning are more valuable than being flawless.”

• Restless: “Being present and finishing what I start will bring more fulfillment than chasing distractions.”

• Pleaser: “I don’t need to sacrifice my needs to be worthy. Saying no is a form of self-respect.”

Instead of falling into the Stickler’s trap of perfectionism, I could remind myself that perfection is an illusion and that growth comes from progress, not flawlessness. This would allow me to complete tasks without the anxiety of needing them to be “just right.” With my Restless saboteur, staying grounded in the present and focusing on finishing what I start would give me a deeper sense of fulfillment, rather than constantly chasing the next exciting thing and feeling unfulfilled. And when my Pleaser instincts kick in, learning to prioritize my own needs and recognizing that saying no doesn’t make me unworthy would help me set healthier boundaries. By immediately adopting these perspectives, I’d not only reduce unnecessary stress and frustration, but I’d also create a more balanced, fulfilling, and intentional approach to my work, relationships, and personal growth.

Lastly, I reflected on some triggers that could cause me to lean on my saboteurs and how I should strive to behave instead:

1. A high-stakes project or presentation at work/school.

2. Feeling bored or stuck in one task for too long.

3. A friend or colleague asking for a favor when you're already overwhelmed.

   - Under the influence of my saboteurs:

   • Stickler → Overanalyze and delay, afraid of mistakes.

   • Restless → Get distracted and jump to something else before finishing.

   • Pleaser → Say yes even when you don’t have the capacity.

   - How I actually want to behave:

   • Stickler → Aim for done over perfect, and trust that mistakes are part of growth.

   • Restless → Focus on the task at hand and remind yourself that commitment leads to deeper success.

   • Pleaser → Politely but firmly set boundaries and prioritize your well-being.

   Through this reflection, I’ve learned that my saboteurs are most likely to take over in moments of pressure, boredom, or when others need something from me. When facing a high-stakes project, my Stickler side urges me to overanalyze and delay, fearing mistakes—yet I now see that aiming for completion rather than perfection is the healthier approach. When I feel stuck in a repetitive or slow-moving task, my Restless saboteur tries to pull me toward something more exciting, leading to unfinished work and scattered focus. Instead, I need to commit to staying present and seeing things through, knowing that deep fulfillment comes from finishing what I start. And when someone asks for a favor while I’m already overwhelmed, my Pleaser instinct tells me to say yes, even at my own expense. But I’m learning that setting firm yet kind boundaries and valuing my own well-being doesn’t make me selfish—it makes me stronger. Recognizing these patterns allows me to shift my reactions in real time, making choices that support my growth rather than sabotage it.

   
   

   Overall, I feel I learned a lot about myself through this exercise. It really motivates me to work on myself and my responses to immediate stress. I want to slow down and think about my actions before I pursue them. In earlier blogs, I have spoken about my New Year's Resolution and how it is to stay in the present. I think this exercise was a great way to learn more about my triggers and how I can properly respond to them to better myself.